all 46 excuses on my friends wall,
1. i was just really, really early for tomorrow
2. we can’t all be usain bolt
3. in this day and age, we shouldn’t need labels like “late”
4. i had pe first period do you blame me
5. i really, really didn’t want to sing
6. my brother thought it would be hilarious to drop me outside the prison gates
7. you can’t tell me how to live my life
9. my legs fell off and i had to roll all the way to the emergency clinic
10. there was a freak yachting accident
11. i am a fucking retard
12. this is just for my wall
13. do you even read these
14. “it does not matter how slow you go, so long as you do not stop”
15. i spent my entire night writing tom daley fanfiction
16. my father left my mother for an air hostess seven years ago do you expect me to get over that emotional trauma overnight
17. sarah palin and i got into a twitter war and i couldn’t leave and let her win
18. traffic jammy jammy jam
19. how can i go to school when alex turner
20. my sim was having an emotional meltdown and i needed to be there for her
21. i was sticking it to the man
22. i spent my entire night worrying if i would ever lose my virginity
23. fifty shades of late; i was walking and then i caught the eye of an attractive member of the opposite sex and we began exchanging significant looks and i knew we would one day make sweet love so i just walked alongside him and tried to catch his eye and to be continued
24. part two he was playing hard to get so we walked and walked and he had the perfect hair colour it was sort of beige brown anyway it turned out he was walking to a bus stop so obviously i had to catch the bus because true love and silently we rode out to papakura and into the sunset
25. my meth lab caught fire
26. my bed is more comfortable than your school will ever be
27. i was sad
28. it was a nice day, so i walked leisurely
29. i had beat my younger brother for saying “swag”
30. i had to travel back to the 1950’s to ensure my birth
31. 2 kool 4 scool
32. i had to stop, collaborate and listen
33. i tried
34. i’m sorry i’m late
it’s not my fault
my auntie was killed
and i joined a cult
35. a haiku about lateness:
late late late late late
late late late late late late late
late late late late late
36. my best friend was telling me how to give a satisfactory blow job i wish i was joking
37. i was fashionably late
38. i was caught in a flash mob true story omfg
39. i did not choose the late life, the late life chose me
45. i was fighting al qaeda
YESSSS IT’S ON MY DASHBOARD AGAIN
the post that doesn’t age
Saturday morning, over 1,000 people march for justice for Michael Brown.
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So I got this photo signed for a friend as a surprised gift because this picture is just amazing in every way but I decided not to comment on it when Sebastian was signing it. So while signing it Sebastian was like “Just to let you know I have NO IDEA what I was doing in this picture they just told me to put the perfume close to my mouth and I was like uhhhhh okay” I think my sister was about to die from pure laughter beside me.
what if obama does the ice bucket challenge and nominates queen elizabeth
what if obama actually talks about what’s going on in ferguson
what if obama stopped exterminating the middle eastern population with drones
what if obama lowered my gotdamn tuition
What if everyone gets educated and stops acting like the President can make decisions for the country by themselves
What if congress did it’s goddamn job for once and did what was best for the American people instead of being a bunch of tantrum throwing toddlers who shut down the government instead of listening to and compromising with the other side of the issue?
Thunderstorms are wonderful except they give me these gnarly headaches and now as a result I’m a cranky little nerd.
So, uh. This happened.
I am currently in the midst of writing a Winter Soldier fan fic, and last night’s chapter referenced a candy popular in the 1940s known as VALOMILK. Imagine a peanut butter cup, but with runny marshmallow in place of the peanut butter. Far and away most of the reviewers wanted to know if the candy was real (it is), where it can be found (mostly at the Cracker Barrel), and what it tastes like (let’s find out).
I had to run a number of errands this morning anyway, so I thought, why not stop and pick up some innocently perverted chocolate. I’d be imparting knowledge, after all.
Here is everything you need to know about VALOMILK, straight from its website:
We were making penny marshmallow in the ‘20s and ‘30s. Now in those days, real vanilla had a large alcohol content and candy makers were known to take a few snorts now and then. One day, a candy maker named Tommy got a little carried away with the vanilla while making marshmallow and ruined a batch. Instead of setting up after cooling, the marshmallow remained runny!
My grandfather, Harry Sifers, was always looking for new ideas for candy so they dipped scoops of the runny marshmallow into chocolate cups. It was messy but so delicious – a simple taste of heaven! We began making the new candy, calling it VALOMILK DIPS and selling them for 5 cents in 1931. So the Original Sifers VALOMILK Candy Cup was invented quite by accident.
And who could forget that old time-y, innocent, yet maddeningly perverse slogan?
When it runs down your chin, you know it’s a VALOMILK!
So yeah, there are two types of people in the world who remember this candy: those with childhood nostalgia, and perverts who like to giggle about it. Guess which category I’m in?
At this point, I should probably mention that I don’t like milk chocolate and I’m not especially fond of marshmallow. Yet I’m tasting it anyway. For science. Let’s get this over with.
And I’m back. I was pleasantly surprised upon opening the package to find that the VALOMILKS had remained intact during their shipping process to the store. I’ve seen other reviewers open the packages to find marshmallow has already oozed out everywhere.
I was also pleasantly surprised to find that I liked the taste. The chocolate is sweet but not overpoweringly so, and it has a bit of tartness to it as well. If you’ve ever had a Three Musketeers bar, it tastes like the chocolate on the exterior of those. The marshmallow, of course, was sweet and smooth and holy crap was it runny.
In the second after I snapped that photo, I ended up with marshmallow goo all over the bathroom sink. And yes, it did run down my chin. Not as much as I was anticipating, but there was leakage.
All in all, it turned out better than expected. They may be revolting, but they’re also really good. I’d say if you’re ever around a place selling them, I’d recommend giving them a try. After all, they’re only 99 cents.
And now, below the cut, I am including a photo of my mouth post-VALOMILK consumption. This photograph is disgusting. It is also highly suggestive and looks pornographic when taken out of context. You have been warned.
I have your fic bookmarked on AO3, and I remember reading this chapter a while ago. I thought the Valomilk was a particularly perfect touch - I love when people add period-accurate details to their fics, and since joining the Captain America fandom I’ve become somewhat obsessed with the 1940s. Thanks for reporting back on your test of it too, for science!
Can we talk about how all-in Chris Evans is when he laughs?
I love these shows, but by God they have a lot of problems.
Also, I got into hockey when I was up [in Canada] as well x
You’re a bastard, Harry…
Do you ever take a moment to just be glad about how well all the Potter kids (and DanRad especially) turned out?
Here is the fudgiest brownie in a mug recipe I’ve found
Here are some fun sites
Here is a master post of Adventure Time episodes and comics
Here is a master post of movies including Disney and Studio Ghibli
Here is a master post of other master posts to TV shows and movies
*tucks you in with fuzzy blanket* *pats your head*
You’ll be okay, friend <3
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“Chris Evans has been known to grab people’s left boob, so my question for both of you is have you ever had your left boob grabbed by Chris Evans?” (x)
My editor won’t let any of the characters swear. Which is sometimes difficult because Ron is definitely a boy who would swear.
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